I wasn´t dreaming

I wasn´t dreaming

I day-dreamed since I can remembered,
it was an oasis to my painful existence back then.

I would cross the silver thin thread into another dimension where everything was possible,
I could be everything and anything.
I could feel anything I wanted.
I had so much power.

As a little girl I could turn a giant pumpkin in to a baby doll.
I could turned a mop into my best friend. I gave them life, and they made my days less lonely.

I loved being a mermaid, or fly all over like a human butterfly.
like I said…I could be anything I wanted.

I had an imaginary friend, all the way to 16 years old!
I used to have (still do) long conversations with the moon, with the ocean, to me, they were and are live entities that were visible to me in God’s representation.

As I grew older, I didn’t stop dreaming, day and night. But the fantasy mind movies started to fade away.
I wanted to step into a more tangible and visible reality.

I kept on dreaming and imagining my self as a successful published writer, speaking in front of audiences, helping people.

There was a time in my life where there was a glimpse, a false door that could of have been opened for me to become a model, or an actriz or something of that sort, and I did flirt with it, I did let my self go on that path for awhile…

but you know what?

I never dreamed with that, could not visualise my self doing that.
So when I tried that I felt empty and sad…so sad, so lost.

The best feeling I had is when I was writing, poetry mainly, back then. I used poetry to describe sad feelings and horrible experiences in a beautiful way. And I thought, here it is…this is my POWER.

And that was so comforting…to believe my pain could also be beautiful, and to deceived people that read it, that it was only poetry. A very few actually could read between those lines. I was dying.

But I didn’t. I discovered an ally and for many years a faithful companion, ‘its’ name was alcohol.
And I gave ‘him’ the power of imagination, I though that with ‘him” my inspiration was flowing better, easier. Maybe it did, at the beginning.

Until it didn’t any more, until it turned my dreams into nightmares, and then I would drink some more to make them go away into memory lost.

And then, I would do it all over again, and again and again and again……

However, in my lucid moments…I would go back to daydreaming , I would see my self doing what I am doing now.

The thing is…I wasn’t really dreaming, I was visualising, I could see all so clear. So clear that I was always so anxious because of what my soul knew since I was a child.

My soul knew about my secret power, my soul knew about my life vision, my Big Vision, my true identity.

My soul knew I could really and truly could be anything I wanted to be…..not only in my dreams and fantasies but for REAL.

It also knew I could ONLY be all that, that I wanted, once I was FREE….

Free of all that was holding me back, my old story, my old beliefs, the mental and physical prisons of addiction and trauma.

So, I broke free !

I am free to live in my forever and always longed vision, I am free to be the higher version of my self.

I am free to swim like a mermaid in the depth of the ocean of love, compassion and service.

I am free to fly with my wings wide open to watch over the people I love, to see from ‘avobe’ how all my DREAMS are turning into a REALITY, one by one.

Because I recovered my SECRET POWER of VISUALISATION
Because I never stop DREAMING
Because I never stop BELIEVING.

I didn’t know that I wasn’t really dreaming…I was visualising and then visualising become doing and doing become just BEING.

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Adriana Méndez Snowden